"No son of mine loses a fight!" bellows Bob. Swinging at ten year old Jerry, Bob continues, "I'll show you how to fight!" Jerry puts his hands up in self-defense but he is powerless to defend himself to the pummelling of his much bigger and stronger father.

One of the sources of our shame as men is that we will be discoverd to be weak. This shame was deeply ingrained in us by our fathers. Like Jerry, many of us find ways to deal with this failure to be strong.

Some of us hide under alcohol and drugs.

Some of us hide behind endless work schedules trying to prove that we are invincible.

Some of us hide behind masks of rage. Inwardly we smile at our ability to instiill terror in others.

Some of us may try and hide our shame by attempting to take our lives.

Pat Conroy in his book, The Losing Season, talks about how his father's abusive behavior lead to years of alcohol abuse and numerous suicide attempts. The thunderous alcolades of the literary world couldn't heal Pat's shame. Even seeing his book, The Great Santini, turned into a movie didn't restore his wholeness. Fortunately, by the end of the book, The Losing Season, Pat and his father are reconciled. Pat was fortunate to experience this reconcilation, many men are not so lucky.

Finding healing from our shame is key to emotional, mental and physical health.

I will outline the steps to healing in future blogs.

(c) 2008 Ronald Friesen