"No son of mine loses a fight!" bellows Bob. Swinging at ten year old Jerry, Bob continues, "I'll show you how to fight!" Jerry puts his hands up in self-defense but he is powerless to defend himself to the pummelling of his much bigger and stronger father.
One of the sources of our shame as men is that we will be discoverd to be weak. This shame was deeply ingrained in us by our fathers. Like Jerry, many of us find ways to deal with this failure to be strong.
Some of us hide under alcohol and drugs.
Some of us hide behind endless work schedules trying to prove that we are invincible.
Some of us hide behind masks of rage. Inwardly we smile at our ability to instiill terror in others.
Some of us may try and hide our shame by attempting to take our lives.
Pat Conroy in his book, The Losing Season, talks about how his father's abusive behavior lead to years of alcohol abuse and numerous suicide attempts. The thunderous alcolades of the literary world couldn't heal Pat's shame. Even seeing his book, The Great Santini, turned into a movie didn't restore his wholeness. Fortunately, by the end of the book, The Losing Season, Pat and his father are reconciled. Pat was fortunate to experience this reconcilation, many men are not so lucky.
Finding healing from our shame is key to emotional, mental and physical health.
I will outline the steps to healing in future blogs.
(c) 2008 Ronald Friesen
| | Posted by ronaz at 5:02 PM - | |
|
|
In so many cases, the fathers had suffered similar abuse as a child.
Unfortunately, this is very true. Abuse flows from one generation to the next.
Thanks for visiting.
ron
in 1985 I trained in a boxing gym down Newark NJ
it was a real life (Eye Of The Tiger Gym) most of the guys were ex-convicts and street fighters
I sparred 5 rounds with one guy.He broke my nose
and knocked me down 4 times in 5 rounds.I kept
getting up and at one point I slammed him a solid left hook on his jaw.He didn't go down after the sparring match was over he shook my hand and asked me what did I hit him with? I felt sad that I was in the best shape of my life and I wasn't able to put him down.We sparred 2 other times ater that,I hit him with solid shots and I asked my ex-trainer What does this guy have an iron jaw? I later found out he used to be a sparring partner for Trevor Berbick was lost his
world heavyweight title to Mike Tyson.Long before my dad passed away he used to tell me there is always someone better than you.I felt sad but not ashamed and to this day I still treat life like a boxing match,I don't quit.